Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

In “Transformers” Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) found himself caught in the middle of a war between two extraterrestrial rivals: the Autobots and the Decepticons. Two years later, and the college-bound teen is getting an emotional send-off from his parents (Kevin Dunn and Julie White) and having to say good-bye to his grease monkey main squeeze Mikaela (Megan Fox) and his transforming Camaro a.k.a. Bumblebee. This moment should mark his descent into booze, books and babes, but trouble is on the horizon. The government is starting to question the alliance that the military has forged with the Autobots – their joint mission has been to seek out and destroy the Decepticons. And the Fallen, a vengeful Decepticon, is moving toward all out war with Earth. His plans involve our sun and a shard of the Cube still in Sam’s possession. Poor Sam. To paraphrase Michael Corleone: “Just when he thought he was out … they pull him back in.”
If you look up “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” in the dictionary, its definition will read “all-out summer blockbuster.” Why? It has explosions, fast cars, a pulsating soundtrack created by chart-topping artists like Linkin Park, Green Day, Nickelback, and Hoobastank; juvenile humor, evil villains dripping with evil (you can almost hear them cackling), a lead actor who is always running and dodging bullets, and a talentless lead actress who pouts and poses provocatively. What more could we want in a popcorn film? Apparently, nothing. In five days, it earned an estimated $201.2 million, becoming the second biggest five-day domestic gross of all time. Americans aren’t the only ones who gobbled up tickets for this assault on the senses. The international market contributed $181.6 million, raising its total take to $363.2 million! You can bet that when all is counted, director Michael Bay will be a veritable Uncle Scrooge, taking long backstrokes through his piles of cash. “Transformers 3” is already in development.
Just in case, you thought I was praising “Revenge of the Fallen,” let me put to rest any misconceptions. I found it insulting, embarrassing and annoying. At 2 hours and 30 minutes long, it was like a prison from which there seemed no escape. The first part is, I think, supposed to be funny, and you’ll bust a gut, no doubt, if you get your jollies from watching two dogs humping and Sam’s mother acting as if she’s bi-polar. One minute she’s having a crying jag; the next, after she’s ingested pot brownies, she’s cackling. The “gags” don’t stop there, though. Humping gets more mileage when a mini Decepticon attacks Fox’s leg, ghetto twin cars swear and talk jive, an elderly Transformer farts a parachute, and Sam’s Hispanic roommate (Ramon Rodriguez) emerges from a toilet, his pants down around his ankles, shouting in a museum that he needs to wipe. Yes, this is high class writing at its finest. But the best is yet to come. The twin cars transform and reveal themselves to be bug-eyed, gold capped and buck-toothed stereotypes of African-Americans. (They have knocked Jar Jar Binks off his “most annoying CGI character” pedestal.) There’s also fun time with tazers to the genitals, and young women are sexualized to a disturbing degree. Fox, who I’m pretty sure is plastic, is, in one scene, inches away from getting a camera shot up her shorts, and in another strips off her skin tight black zip up affair so she can look like a virgin in white. Another actress, Isabel Lucas, plays a sexually ravenous, very aggressive coed. (The rest of the babes in the film look like they just got day release from a “Maxim” shooting.) Afterwards, I told my niece who’s in first grade to forget everything she’d just seen. Bay is a much reviled person, and now I see it’s with good reason. This film, in particular, is trash, pure and simple. If Autobots existed, even they would recognize Bay for what he is – a menace to intellectual growth and the advancement of our civilization.